THE RIGHT TO MARRY IN ISLAM: SCRUTINIZING
CUSTOMS OF MARRIAGES IN THE PASHTUN
BELT OF PAKISTAN
Muhammad Ifzal Mehmood*,1 Noraini md hashim,2
Azizah Binti Mohd 3
1 Ph.D. Candidate, Ahmad Ibrahim Kulliyyah of Law,
International Islamic University Malaysia Email: ifzaalmehmood@gmail.com
2 Assistant Professor Ahmad Ibrahim
Kulliyyah of Law, International Islamic University Malaysia.
3 Associate Professor, Ibrahim Kulliyyah of Law,
International Islamic University Malaysia.
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ABSTRACT |
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Keywords: Pakhtunwali;
Pakhtun; Islam; Marriage; Customs; |
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Marriage is one of the Islamic personal practices
which the Prophet (pbuh) encouraged within the Muslim Ummah (community). Especially for those who could afford it. An
eminent relationship has been observed between Islam and the custom of the Pakhtun people. In Pakhtun apart from Islamic
injunctions, the Pakhtunwali (pakhtun social organization) serves as
a pillar of society and tends to bring social harmony and integrity through
the socio-cultural, economic, religious and political aspects of Pakhtuns living in their demarcated
territory. The current study focuses on different customs of Pakhtun which have been misconceived
with regard to Islamic injunctions and which are the prevalent laws of the Pakhtun and of course the regulator of
Pakhtunwali. The research
particularly emphasizes customs of marriage which are barriers to marriages
in contemporary Pakhtun Muslim
society. The paper juxtaposes the Pakhtun
customary practices relating to marriage with Islamic injunctions. In order
to do so, different types of respondents in the area of Peshawar Pakistan
were interviewed. In the end, the paper recommends that Prophetic traditions
should be introduced in marriages in the Pakhtun
area of Pakistan. Publisher All rights reserved. |
INTRODUCTION
Marriage and the family institution occupy a
very pivotal position in the Islamic legal system (Muhammad Tahir Mansoori,
2009). This can be judged from the fact
that Muslim jurists consider the protection of the family institution among the
five fundamental objectives of Shari’ah.
The Qur’an describes marriage as mithaqan ghaliza (a sanctified
contract). The phrase mithaqan ghaliza
implies that marriage is a sacred and sanctified contract, which is higher in
status than ordinary civil contracts. Marriage in Islam is essentially a
righteous act and an act of devotion (‘ibadah’)
(Muhammad Tahir Mansoori, 2009). Islam is the religion which has simplified
everything including the contract and practice of marriage for all the
believers. In this regard, the Almighty Allah has revealed through his noble
Prophet (pbuh), the Glorious Qur’an,
which contains all the dos and dont’s. The revelations have been explained by
the Prophet (pbuh). To this end, in relation to marriage, the Prophet (pbuh)
was reported to have said:
“O
young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more
effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot
afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Bukhari, 5066:
Muslim, 1400).
This shows that the
marriage institution can only be practiced by those who have the ability and
means to do so. This comprises the ability to maintain a spouse, to provide her
food, clothing and shelter. History had demonstrated Pakhtuns
as true Islamic believers who have recognition for the acceptance of Islam as a
whole (Arab Naz, 2011). The social structure and ideological formation of Pakhtuns is almost completely dominated
by Islam throughout the course of social and religious life as Pukhtuns
strictly abide by Islamic law (Shari’ah)
along with their own code of life known as Pakhtunwali
(Arab Naz, 2012:63). Pakhtunwali and
Islam are ideally treated as the same; however, the former is embedded in a
long historical context and traditions that have been in practice among Afghan
tribes living in Afghanistan, Khyber Pakhtunkhawa (former NWFP) and
Baluchistan (Khan, 2011). But there are customs of marriages in Pakhtuns society, which should be
analyzed according to Islam, inter alia
Jahaiz, Naindara, Akhtar shawqadar, Janj,
Pakha Azada, and Kwezhdan. This paper examines the practice of these
customs of the Pakhtun belt of
Pakistan and elaborates the traditions administered at the time of the Prophet
(pbuh). These customs of Pakhtuns
have been scrutinized to assess whether they are privileges or barriers for the
new generation in contemporary Muslim society.
OBJECTIVES OF THE STUDY
The present research work is based on the
following objectives
RESEARCH METHODS AND THEORATICAL
FRAMEWORK
The collected data has been analyzed
qualitatively and discussion of both religion and Pakhtunwali in respect
to women’s rights’ delegation has been made. The research study has been
approached through an integrative perspective on religion. A doctrinal method of research was used
while preparing this paper. Interviews of different inhabitants of pakhtun were conducted by the author
and were analyzed according to the functional aspects of the religion with
respect to the Pakhtun community. Most of the Pakhtun customs
have essentially been taken from the Qur’an
and Ahadith (Sayings of the Prophet) in respect of women’s rights.
Society requires social solidarity to a certain degree, value consensus,
harmony and integration between its component parts. The role of religion is
thus dominant in most relationships between human beings and this applies in
the case of the selected community under study e.g. Pakhtun society. But
there are some customs which is regard to marriage stop the poor from marrying
such as in Pakhtun society. Islamic
customs concerning marriage are compared with Pakhtun customs in order to encourage the elimination of bad
practices in conducting marriages in the Pakhtun
belt and open the door for the poor youngsters to get married in simple way.
CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
In Islam, marriage is a legal and mutual
contract between a man and a woman, with a view to be husband and wife and
build upon the spirit of love, affection, cooperation, harmony and tolerance,
resulting in each party feeling at ease with the one, and consequently finding
tranquillity, contentment and comfort in the company of the same. The Qur’an has described this relationship
between man and woman, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the
most moving and eloquent terms,
“And among His Signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in
tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]” (Qur’an 30:21).
“And marry those among you who
are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves;
if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and
Allah is Ample giving, Knowing.” (Qur’an 24:32)
Marriage is the way and custom
of the Prophet (pbuh). There is a Hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) that
says:
“When a man enters into matrimonial contract, he
has indeed made his religion half perfect. Then let him fear for the remaining
half” (Baihaqi)
The social order of every society evolves around
several instincts, and out of those two not only are powerful but rather have a
lot of influence on the society, they are the natural appetite or hunger and
the sexual desire. The former signals the need for the preservation of the
individual whereas the later deals with the preservation of descent, especially
the lineage of mankind. For this reason, almost every society in this world has
made certain rules in order to secure itself. But the Shari‘ah has developed a unique system for the preservation of its
subjects, its values, the society and mankind at large (Shahzad Iqbal Sham,
2000: 10). There are certain objectives behind the introduction of nikah for the attainment of which Allah,
the Almighty has commanded man to lead his life under a system. A study of the Qur’an and Ahadith of the Prophet (pbuh), shows that the significant
objectives of marriage are inter alia protection
of human morals, establishment of Islamic society and love and affection among
spouses (Shahzad Iqbal Sham, 2000: 10).
This is the strongest of
bonds, in which Allah unites two Muslim partners who come together on the basis
of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a Muslim
family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good
character and behaviour taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the strongest
component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive,
helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing
with one another in good works. The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone
and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s
life, as the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and
the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman” (Sahih Muslim, 10: 56).
Allah has given men freedom and urges us to
“Marry the women of your choice” (Qur'an, 4: 3).
Likewise women are given the right to select a
man of their choice:
“A girl came to the Prophet
(pbuh) and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against
her wishes, whereupon the Prophet (pbuh) allowed her to exercise her choice.
She then said, 'I am reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it
known to women that fathers have no say in this matter'” (Ibn Majah).
Islam has given simple guideline and a simple
way to get married; there is no barrier to stop Muslim men and women from
marriage. It is clearly stated in the Qur’an:
“And marry those among you who
are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and
(also marry) the Salihun (Pious, fit
and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If
they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is
All-Sufficient for His creature’s needs, All-knowing (about the state of the
people)” (Qur’an 24:32).
Abu Bakar (r.a) elaborates from the above verse
that people should obey Allah in His command of Nikah, since because of the marriage He will provide you more
wealth as He has already promised (Muhammad Umar Al Damyati, 2004:203). Ismail Ibn Kathir in his commentary ‘Tafsir Ibn Kathir’ elaborates the above
verse of the Qur’an saying that “And
marry those among you who are single (i-e. A man who has no wife and the woman
who has no husband)” involves a command from Allah to marry. A group of
scholars adopted the opinion that it is an obligatory matter. It is recorded
that Ibn Mas‘ud said “seek the richness through marriage”. It is also recorded
from the hadith of Prophet (pbuh)
that “there are three whom it is a right upon Allah to help: the one who gets
married seeking chastity; a slave who tries to emancipate himself by paying to
his master and the one who fights for the Sake of Allah (Ismail Ibn Kathir,
2007: 1454). Prophet (pbuh) urges the youth to get married,
“O young people! Whoever among
you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his
modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes
his sexual power” (Bukhari, 62: 4).
There is no criteria for giving out dower (mahar), but if you had given the latter
a Qintar (of gold i.e. a great
amount) for dower (mahar) take not
the least bit of it back (Qur'an, 4:
20). The Prophet (pbuh) gives options to provide something according to the
financial capacity of a man:
"A woman came to the
Prophet (pbuh) and presented herself to him (for marriage). He declined her
offer of marriage.' Then a man said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me. The
Prophet asked him, 'What have you got?' He said, 'I have got nothing.' The
Prophet said, 'Give her something, even an iron ring.' He said, 'I have got
nothing.' The Prophet asked (him), how much of the Quran do you know (by
heart)? He said, 'So much and so much.' The Prophet said, 'I have married her
to you for what you know of the Qur’an.”
(Bukhari).
Marriage is a major step in one’s life. It is a
matter of great responsibility that should by no means be taken lightly.
However, it should not be complicated to the point that if one does not have
enough cash to hold an elaborate ceremony with hundreds of guests, one cannot
get married. Quite simply, a marriage in Islam is solemnized by a marriage
contract and a walimah (marriage
feast) that follows once the marriage has been consummated. The nikah
constitutes a proposal from one party (ijab)
and acceptance from another (qubol)
in the presence of witnesses. The walimah
is simply a dinner to celebrate the marriage, since marriage is, after all, a
joyous occasion. The nikah can be
held at the local masjid or at home,
while the walimah can be anywhere:
one’s apartment, backyard, or basement, the masjid,
a park, a restaurant, a community center, or anywhere else. As well, on the
occasions of nikah and walimah, long speeches and an elaborate
program are not required. It is observed that in rituals and customs we tend to
waste enormous amounts of money and time on things that simply are not needed.
Anas (r.a) describes one of the walimah
hosted by the Prophet (pbuh).
“The
Prophet stayed for three days at a place between Khaibar and Medina, and there
he consummated his marriage with Safiyya bint Huyay (r.a). I invited the
Muslims to a banquet which included neither meat nor bread. The Prophet (pbuh)
ordered for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried
yogurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walima (banquet) of the Prophet (pbuh)” (Bukhari, 62: 23).
In another report, Anas (r.a) says that the
Prophet (pbuh) “Gave a wedding banquet
with Hais (a sort of sweet dish made from butter, cheese and
dates).” (Bukhari) There is nothing wrong with having an elaborate
ceremony in a fancy banquet hall and full-course meal prepared by a caterer,
but the fact of the matter is that neither of these are the essential elements
or requirements for a valid marriage. If one wishes to hold the ceremony in a
banquet hall with a full-course meal, that’s perfectly fine, but it should not
be taken as a requirement. Islam forbade conditions whereby a society could
fall into difficulty and in this spirit one may say that loan large loans sums
of money are often wasted for weddings The Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have
said:
“The
marriage which is most greatly blessed is the one which is the lightest in
burden [expense]. However, if people are well catered for, without extravagance
and show, there is no problem with that either” (Bayhaqi).
A show of extravagance was definitely not how
our beloved Prophet (pbuh) celebrated. In fact, wasting Allah’s bounties is something
Allah has warned us against: “But waste
not by excess: for Allah loves not the wasters” (Qur’an, 6:141). It can be difficult to swim against the tide
of fancy and extravagant marriages, but surely it’s worth swimming against the
tides that go against Allah’s commands and the example set by the Prophet
(pbuh). It is stated in the Qur’an,
“Follow me and My Messenger if you love me, Allah will love you too”. Why are
we so hesitant and reluctant to follow what the greatest personality of this
universe did but rather blindly follow pathetic traditions in our wedding
ceremonies. The acts of Jahliya (ignorance),
shamelessness and the acts which lead to fitnah (discard) can never make a marriage successful and blessed.
We are not simply to follow our customs or desires or society but to
obey and follow the golden path shown by Allah and His prophet (pbuh) (Syed
Athar Husain, 2011).
ABRIDGMENT OF PAKHTUN CUSTOM
Pakhtunwali is considered as “the way of
life of the Pakhtuns,” and it is said
to be the identity and communal way of people belonging to the Pakhtun belt including the unwritten but
defined centuries old static rules and customs (Ahmad, 1976). Pakhtunwali includes the central concept
of nang (ego), which signifies honour
and shame, as well as other various sub-components including namus (honour) and tura (sword) (Glatzer, 1998). In this research discussion on Pakhtun customs and the way they conduct
their marriages is studied. There are different stages and a long procedure
from marriage proposal to the rukhsati
(final marriage) in Pakhtun culture.
The customs of Pashtuns are totally different from other societies. The
marriage customs of Pakhtuns plays a immense role in strengthening ties
between families, but at same time creates financial obligations for the
families.
Different customs are
practiced in the Pakhtun area of
Pakistan, which have great impacts on society and family life. The purpose of
customs is to give happiness and provide a solid relation between the families.
At the same time customs are obstacles to youngsters who wish to marry their
beloved. This research discusses six aspects of customs of the Pakhtuns who live in Pakistan, namely Kwezhdan (betrothal), Jahaiz (dower), Naindara (to share money), Akhtar
shawqadar (sharing of gifts in specific months), Janj (occasion to transfer wife) and Pakha Azada (free visitation).
First Kwezdan (betrothal) is the
common practice of parents who wish to get their sons married to pretty and
virtuous girls of respectable families. But in the tribal areas what is more
significant is to attach more importance to the strength of the arms and the
family influence of girls’ parents than her beauty. It is analyzed that at
present, a future bridegroom is consulted while selecting a girl and her
consent are not considered even in educated families (Azim Afridi, 2010). Secondly
Jahaiz (dower) is a transfer of
parental property at the marriage of a daughter (Jack Goody, 1976:6). This is
where the girl is gifted by her parents’ items of furniture and other household
goods for her usage in her new home. Some would even give cows and sheeps. The
girl’s parents also provide their daughter with a trousseau made up of clothes,
shoes and handbags. This is partly to make the transition of moving home
easier. The girl is expected to adorn herself in fancy clothes at least up to a
year after the wedding (Anum Tahir, 2008). Thirdly Nandara (to share money).This is a situation where friends and
relatives of the bridegroom contribute money to lighten his financial burden.
It is some sort of financial
assistance repayable to the donors on a similar occasion. A proper record of
the subscription is maintained and the names of the subscribers are entered
into a notebook for future reference (Azim Afridi, 2010). Fourthly, Akhtar Shawqader (occasion to transfer
gifts) is a custom practiced after the engagement and before the final marriage ceremony of
bride (Rukhsati), Special kinds of
gifts are sent to the girl which include clothes, shoes and sweets in special
months of the year. (Azim Afridi, 2010). Fifthly Janj (transfer of the wife); on the day of marriage the bridal
procession is named janj. The
inhabitants of society will wear their best clothes, and the ceremony starts at
noon with musicians leading the procession (Azim Afridi, 2010). Sixthly Pakha Azada (visitation), which is visits between the families of the
engaged. This custom starts a few days after betrothal. The prospective
bridegroom’s parents pay a visit to the girl’s house and present her with a
gold ring or suit of silk clothes (Azim Afridi, 2010).
EVALUATION OF MARRIAGE CUSTOMS
IN ISLAM
AND PAKHTUN
SOCIETY
Islam is a complete code of life which describes
each and every aspect of life. The social system in Islam is geared towards the
preservation of the human race and the protection of the society. Islam
recognizes the importance of the family, and it has established rules with the
aim of protecting it. The family is built through the legal contract of
marriage between a man and a woman (Abu Tariq, 1997: 34). Islam recommends an easy way to get married
and to make a family. There were never Islamic customs which might detract from
the happiness of the newlyweds.
Basic derivates of Islamic
custom are shown in the Sunnah of the
Prophet (pbuh). As discussed earlier various ahadith show that there is no custom barrier in Islam. The Prophet
(pbuh) urges the youth to get married and advises them that if they can afford
marriage then it should not be delayed, but if someone does not have sufficient
resources, he should fast (Bukhari, 62:
4). On one occasion a person came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said that he
did not have any wealth. The Prophet (pbuh) advised him to get married. When he
got married his financial position remained the same and he came again to the
Prophet and the Prophet advised him to marry another woman and he married a
second time on the advice of the Prophet (pbuh). This shows that the financial
position of a man cannot stop him from getting married. Even as we discussed
earlier, there is no criteria for mahar (dower). In the Qur’an it is
elaborated: “But if you had given the latter a Qintar (of gold i.e. a great amount) for mahar take not the least bit of it back (Qur'an, 4: 20).
Prophet (pbuh) gave the option
of giving something for the privilege of getting married according the man’s
financial position. As mentioned earlier, a woman came to the Prophet (pbuh),
and presented herself to him (for marriage). Another companion of the Prophet
offered her marriage, while he did not have anything to give as mahar (dower) and the Prophet (pbuh)
gave her hand in marriage to him. In Pakhtun
society the customs are different and the mahar
and other needs are too much. This has minimized percentage of marriages. The
custom of jahaiz (dower) in Pakhtun
is totally different from Islamic customs. It is stated in the Qur’an that Allah does not put a human under
a burden they cannot afford. Jahaiz
is the good tradition for the honour of Pakhtuns girls but it should not
be a burden on the families. However, when a large amount of money is spent
extravagantly it is sad because there are so many better uses for the
hard-earned money. After all, the amount of money spent on the ceremony has no
positive effect on the life of the couple.
Abu Hanifa (an eminent Islamic
jurist) even not allows dissolution of marriage contract on the ground of not
providing maintenance. He argues that if the husband is poor, he cannot be
blamed for that. They quote the verse of Qur’an in which Allah says:
“Let him who has ample means
spend in accordance with amplitude; and let him whose means of subsistence are
scanty spend in accordance with what God has given him: Allah does not burden
any human being with more than He has given him{and it may be well that} Allah
grant after hardship}” (Al- Qur’an 65:07).
This verse illustrates that the Qazi (Judge)
even not dissolve a marriage contract if the husband is unable to pay
maintenance. In Majma‘ al-Anhar it is stated that the judge should not
order separation between wife and husband if the husband is poor. (Damad
Afandi, 1319 h: 498). This proves that poverty is not a barrier in conducting
marriages.
The
life of our Prophet (pbuh) is a guideline for all Muslims. The Prophet (pbuh)
conducted the marriage of His beloved daughter Fatima (r.a) without following
any custom; even her husband [Ali (r.a)] was not present at the time of
marriage (Muhammad Ashraf Ali, 1913: 355). Islam has also given the concept of
Prompt and defer dower and the husband can pay after the marriage contract.
This shows that in Islam there are no customs which restrict a poor man from
getting married. Marriage is an occasion
for celebration, but wastage of enormous amounts on a celebration should be
discouraged.
The customs of the Pakhtuns are not founded on Islamic law.
In Islam there is no concept inter alia
khwagdan, akhtar shawqadar, Khpa Azada and Nandara, which put
families tied by marriage in a difficult situation due to the financial burden.
The custom of kawagdan is a created custom of Pakhtun
society while marriage in Islam has been seen as a way of uniting influential
families and clan and no third loophole to conduct any other function while
conducting marriage. It is worth mentioning that a lot of money is spent
in marriages starting with kwagdan
(engagement) and ending months after the Rukhsati
(final bride), which has caused suffering to the life style of the Married
couple as in the case Gul Rashad (Interviewed by author: Pakistan, 19th August,
2015). Many of our family gathered money first and after that the parents
started searching for a girl for their son, Pakhtuns
are following very rich marriage customs and prefer to observe pukhtuns
ordinary traditions compared to Islamic ones (Usman Habib, interviewed by
Author: Pakistan, 19th August, 2015). These customs are definitely
not according to the sunnah of Prophet (pbuh). In fact, wasting Allah’s
bounties is something Allah has warned us against:“But waste not by excess: for Allah loves not the wasters.”(Qur’an, 6:141)
In a
nutshell, from the evolution of Prophetic and Pakhtuns customs,
subsequent illustration has been conducted. Pakhtun is an old tribe
which have accepted Islam whole heartedly. They are following Pakhtunwali
(Pakhtun social organization), but sometime it contradict the prophetic
customs, which have created confusion and hardship for society. Islam provides
right of marriage to every male and female in a dignified and simple way. In Pakhtunwali
this practice is being made complicated. This matter is important that Pakhtuns
are all Muslims, if some customs contradict prophetic traditions then why it is
not replaced with Islamic ones.
CONCLUSION
Islam encourages Muslims to marry and recommends
marriage as part of their Iman. There are no criteria for the dower. The
purpose of a dower is to safeguard the woman, it does not mean that if a male
is not able to pay he will not marry. The sunnah
of the prophet has clarified that it is better to pay dower, but at the same
time the Prophet (pbuh) also urged that if someone did not have the ability to
pay, this would not restrict him from a marriage contract. So mahar is not an obstacle on the path to
marriage. The Sunnah of the Prophet
(pbuh) is universal and it should be followed everywhere in the world. Pakhtun as a nation comprises Muslims
who have their own peculiar customs, and of course, this sometimes contradicts
Islam. Likewise marriage customs in Pakhtunwali
sometimes contradict Islamic teaching. There are customs like Kwazhdan, Naindara, Akhtar shawqadar, Janj and Pakha Azada which are
practiced for the prosperity and honour of partners. But at the same time these
customs have created problems for the couples who wish to marry. It is quite
alarming that these customs have no relation with religion and the burden of
expenditure is on both of the families. This has reduced the number of
marriages. It is recommended in this research that reasonable modification
should be introduced so that the new generation may not suffer more and the
people may be aware of their Islamic culture.
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